Let’s Talk About SEX

There are some folks out there that are very private, almost secretive, regarding their personal life and their feelings on certain matters. I’m not one of these people. With me, what you see, hear, and read, is pretty much what you get. I don’t really hide aspects of who I am or how I feel and there isn’t really anything that I can think of that I’m uncomfortable openly discussing. This includes sex.

I know several people who, to the world at large, present only part of who they are while keeping certain areas, namely their sexual interests, limited to a much smaller inner circle of people they feel comfortable with or even just their chosen partner. There’s nothing wrong with that at all, and I can completely understand why they choose to do so. Some people take a very judgmental view of certain sexual activities and would form an opinion of the individual that is in no way relevant to their interactions with them.   

I suspect that if I were into some of the less mainstream types of activities, I might prefer to keep that part of me to myself as well. As it is, my sexual preferences are fairly tame in comparison, so I don’t feel any need to shy away from sharing them. I’d even go as far as to call my sex life pretty vanilla, but this would, of course, imply that I HAVE a sex life. Which, outside of my own mind and dreams, I do not. In fact, in all the time I’ve been writing these past few months (longer than that actually), I’ve not done anything more intimate than hug a friend.

This particular trend is one that I wouldn’t be entirely surprised to find last through the remaining duration of 2018. I certainly don’t hope that will be the case, but I’m not really bothered by it one way or the other. As you may have surmised from some of the other articles I’ve composed, I do have a certain longing for intimacy and sharing a connection with someone, but intimacy and intercourse are not the same thing. I am a very affectionate and tactile individual, I love to touch and be touched, I love to be close and to cuddle, but I’m also not a very sexually motivated or driven person.

Given that information, I suppose it’s not too surprising that I’m not overly adventurous in bed. It’s not that I’m not willing to try something new, I’m just not so likely to suggest it. I love balanced reciprocal interactions where both parties are equals so the whole dominant submissive thing doesn’t really hold any appeal. I’m ok with a little light biting, scratching, or spanking (keyword here being LIGHT) but if it hurts or is likely to leave a mark at all, I’m probably just going to get irritated and lose all interest.

I’ve never really engaged in any manner of sexual activity with more than one person at a time, so I can’t speak from experience, but I also can’t say the idea of it holds much appeal. I suspect that in such an arrangement I’d end up focusing entirely on one woman and kind of ignore the other which would pretty much defeat the purpose. In fact, I suspect that the concern about ignoring one while paying complete attention to the other would be far too distracting and make it less enjoyable and more stressful.

About as adventurous as I get is that I enjoy energetic and intellectual foreplay. The sort where, while there is usually some skin on skin contact, none of the ‘tender bits’ actually get stimulated. Well, physically stimulated by touching them directly I mean. This is an area where less can be more. It doesn’t have to be two nearly nude bodies grinding into each other and clinging tight, it can be nothing more than a single fingertip traced ever so lightly across the collar bone or down the curve of a hip. 

Sometimes it doesn’t even have to involve touching at all.  As you may have noticed, I kind of have a thing for words.  Unsurprisingly, I rather enjoy the ability to get someone excited through my use of them. I’m not likely to start a career writing erotica, I doubt I have the attention span or necessary inspiration for it, but I do like using my mind and my voice to cause a state of arousal when the opportunity presents itself. While I may have a bit of a knack for expressing myself with the use of creatively composed vulgarity, talking dirty isn’t really my thing either. I’d rather paint a verbal picture of what I’m imagining in my head.

Evidently there is a term out there for individuals like me. Well, I’m sure there are quite a few, not all of them so polite, but the one I’m referring to is Sapiosexual. It is used to describe someone that finds intellectual stimulation to be a bigger turn on than physical characteristics. While I certainly have a deep appreciation for a fit, toned, tanned female body, it takes a bit more than that to arouse my interest.

My discovery of this term is a somewhat ironic tale. After my ex wife left, I’d agreed to meet a friend at a strip club because we had been given a pair of free passes and I figured why not. I arrived before him as he claimed to be running late, so I found a seat and waited. He didn’t end up showing up, but I did have a rather interesting conversation with one of the waitresses while I was waiting. Instead of sitting up close to the stage, I took a seat at a table near one of the rear walls.

The waitress came by to ask if I wanted to order a drink and we got to talking about tattoos. Having a solid black arm tends to evoke questions and I don’t mind answering them, particularly when a beautiful scantily clad woman is the one doing the asking. We wound up chatting for a little bit and at one point she asked me why I seemed to pretty much ignore the girls on stage and those walking around offering lap dances, but seemed intensely focused on the conversation with her regarding her studies in organic chemistry. I told her that I simply found the conversation more stimulating and interesting than the scenery. To this she replied with something to the effect of “Oh! So you’re one of those Sapiosexual types.”

I’m not at all ashamed to admit that having to google the term and being exposed to a new word that seemed to accurately describe me based on a fairly short conversation, was hands down the sexiest thing I experienced in the short time I spent inside the club. I don’t think I’m likely to ever go back into a strip club again after that. If the term is an accurate description for me, I’m better off visiting an art museum or the library to find what I’m interested in.

There is a great deal of empowerment to be gained through self-awareness, and with sexuality being kind of an essential element to mankind’s continued existence, I think it’s one area that we should perhaps be a bit less squeamish to discuss and explore. I personally hold my own sexuality to be a very sacred aspect of who I am, and I do my best to treat it as such. I’m no where near perfect and I’m still evolving and growing on a daily basis.

I may not exactly get many opportunities to explore my sexuality with a partner, but there is still much I can learn and gain from self-evaluation of the topic. And no, I’m not using ‘self-evaluation’ as a euphemism for masturbation. I prefer the phrase “shaking hands with ‘The General’” for reasons I won’t go into just now. It can be fun from time to time, but in the end, you’re just fucking yourself. And with that final poor attempt at humor, I shall take a bow and quietly make my exit. Thank you for reading!