Sometimes you hear beautiful women complain about how hard it is to find a man. You just look at them and think to yourself “Seriously? What the Fuck!?!?! How is that even possible?” Now, I can’t really speak to the subject of what it’s like to be a drop dead gorgeous woman or the struggles they face trying to find a partner, but I have read some of their responses regarding why this seems to be the case. I can, however, address this from a man’s point of view.
Perhaps not the point of view of a super ripped male model posing for underwear ads, but at least from that of a reasonably fit and attractive guy that wasn’t hit with the ugly stick too many times, cursed with an excessively hairy back, or born without the capability of being sensitive. I try to be humble in nature, but I am aware that I more than occasionally catch the eye of women and I’ve been told I’m handsome often enough to not deny it’s at least a possibility.
I’ve also been asked on numerous occasions how it is that I am still single. This usually comes after giving a woman a reflexology, reiki, or sensual touch massage session, so I can’t credit my looks entirely for that one. While I’m often tempted to say, “I don’t know, you tell me.”, my actual answer is usually rather like the complaint I mentioned earlier from beautiful women, I can’t seem to find a woman that’s interested in dating me. There’s also the aspect that I can’t seem to find a woman who is interested in dating me for which I reciprocate that feeling but that’s beside the point for the time being.
I think that the same thing women say about intimidating men who would otherwise express interest is true when the roles are reversed. I’ve been told by a few women, only after they were with someone else already, that they had felt interested in me but never said anything before hand or acted as if they might be because they “Didn’t think that someone like you, would actually be interested in someone like me.”
The first couple times I heard that I had to wonder to myself, do I really come across as that narcissistic and vain? I’ve heard “I’ve only ever seen you with really really beautiful women. I’m no where near that pretty. Why would you be interested in me?” It’s true that in the past, I’ve pretty much only been with women who were, by the standards of both genders judging, quite physically attractive. I’ve likewise made the mistake of dating a lot of truly ugly, but beautiful looking, women. I’ve also been cheated on by nearly every woman I’ve dated.
Is it so inconceivable that I might stop focusing so much on the outer beauty and start looking for it within instead? This is a question I ask myself more frequently than I’d really like to admit. And, in all honesty, the answers I come up with in my head are part of the reason I’m not looking for anyone just at the moment. I’m not looking because even I don’t think I’m likely to find anyone.
Have I stopped focusing so much on outer beauty and started searching for someone who’s personality and character is in alignment with who I am and what I want? Yes. Have I stopped being concerned with how physically attractive someone is? Nope, I haven’t. Further, I don’t think that I’m ever likely to do so. I have to share an emotional connection with someone, enjoy their company, and find them intellectually stimulating, but to move someone from the ‘friend-zone’ to the potential lover/partner category, I’ve also got to have a physical attraction to them.
Physical attraction on its own isn’t enough though, at least not anymore. I know many stunning women who I am happy to be friends with but there’s absolutely no spark of a connection beyond that. I think they’re beautiful and I enjoy their company, but I would absolutely never consider dating them or even hooking up with them. Some of them are, of course, already involved in a relationship but sometimes it’s that they have a long way to go before they’ve got their lives in order and I don’t wanna deal with the drama. Sometimes it’s just a matter of not having that much in common with them. Other times they’ve got their lives sorted out and we have things in common but there’s just a total lack of any manner of intellectual stimulation.
I’ve been examining my definition of what I find physically attractive and why that is so, but I haven’t found much that I feel I need to change in that regard. I don’t need someone to look like they just walked off the set of a photo shoot for a lingerie advert, but I DO want someone that looks like they take care of their body and are in good health. I don’t want someone that’s too underweight just as I’m not interested in someone too overweight. I’m not attracted to a woman that looks like it took her 4 hours, a counter full of cosmetics, and a team of professional make-up artists and stylists to get her ready, but nor do I dream of a woman who clearly doesn’t give any thought at all to the way she looks or dresses.
I’m a decent looking man with a personality that, while it may leave a few things to be desired, isn’t too abrasive. I’m reasonably intelligent, talented in a diverse arena of skill sets, and for the most part, have my life together. I’m not abusive or controlling, I’m not an ass hole (well, I am sometimes but not always and usually not for no reason) and I can only imagine there are plenty of women out there in similar situations that lay down at night wishing they were safely wrapped in the arms of a man like me, just like I often wish some woman like them was in said arms.
Some days I’m not sure how much of my lack of a desire to find someone and to just be on my own is actually that, and how much of it is just a matter of having given up on the hopes of finding someone I’m interested in and trying to come to terms with it. Maybe that’s why I spend so much time thinking about it and writing about it. I could be passing right by countless women who are amazing, beautiful souls and we would be a great fit for each other but on about our business we each go without giving the other a second thought or glance because we both just assume the other is either taken or wouldn’t be interested.
To all the beautiful single women out there who feel they just can’t find a man interested in them, the struggle is real, and you aren’t alone. Well, actually you are alone, that’s kind of the point, but what I mean is that you aren’t the only ones facing such a dilemma. There are great guys out there who would love to get to know you better and see if there is a connection. We just tend to keep our mouths shut and not say anything because we don’t want to be like those “other guys” that are constantly hitting on you.
I don’t really want to meet someone and to make time for dating and all the things that go with it, but there is still some part of me, the eternal hopeless romantic within, that still clings to the hope that some woman will come along and change all of that. It’s that part that keeps me thinking of such things late into the night when I really ought to be sleeping. I am a pretty amazing guy in a lot of ways and I’m confident enough to say that without feeling like I’m being too arrogant. One day I might find this elusive female my heart seeks, but for tonight, I’m going to try and get some sleep and hope that she will come to me in my dreams so that we might both enjoy an evening together in each other’s company. Thanks for reading.