Recent Posts



Sexy Foul-Mouthed Librarians

When it comes to a good book, I’m like a crack addict. I get hooked really quickly and just can’t put the thing down until I’ve reached the conclusion. This is often, like a drug addiction, not necessarily in my best interest. I can’t listen to a good audiobook I’ve not heard before, nor can I pick up a fascinating book in the evening if I hope to get any sleep at all that night.

This is the mistake I’ve made tonight. I recently got my hands on Lee Child’s latest installment of his Jack Reacher series and, as predictable as they can be, I’ve been hooked on the series for years now. Even taking a break to write this evening required far more determination to close the book than ought to have been involved. It’s not just this series though, it applies to pretty much anything that catches my interest literarily speaking, but a series does up the ante a little bit.

Some people will relax on a Saturday or Sunday evening and veg out on the couch watching tv with a beer or glass of wine. I, on the other hand, have been sitting here ever since Kayla fell asleep nose down in a book and chowing down on an entire bag of pistachios. It’s not that I don’t enjoy tv, I do on the occasions I decide to watch, especially on the projector, but I often get distracted while watching it. I’m usually also on my phone, browsing the internet, or are otherwise engaged in some other activity at the same time.

Reading is a whole different story (pun intended). I get totally lost in the descriptions and the only timeline I’m aware of is the one in the book. At least until the sun starts to come up that is. Even laying there in a stationary position, I don’t feel tired or start to doze off like I do with tv. I only get tired when I stop and realize I’ve been reading all night long and now have a very long day ahead of me.

I’m sincerely hoping this won’t be the case tonight. I’m telling myself now that as soon as I’m done writing I’m going to go lay down in bed and not even take the book to my bedroom with me. I don’t have high hopes that I’ll stick to that. Even now, I can hear the mental bargaining beginning.

“Just one more chapter. You did you’re writing for the night, you earned it. Go ahead and reward yourself. You can stop after one chapter.”

It feels like having the cartoon angel and devil on opposite shoulders, except in this case, the angel doesn’t have much to say on the matter and just kind of suggests, “Well, at least you have plenty of coffee.” Oh, and the devil on the other shoulder is a librarian… a really really hot librarian that I couldn’t possibly say no to.

Hmmm…. Now I’m thinking about a sexy as hell librarian with a profanely extensive vocabulary that could make a drill sergeant raise an eyebrow in astonishment. This is not helpful…. Though, I’d be full of shit if I tried to tell you it wasn’t an incredibly satisfying bit of mental imagery. Great, now even if I do manage to put the book down I’m going to dream of a library staffed by warrior princesses that look like they could work at hooters, got perfect SAT scores, and could debate me under the table then get up and dance on it just to rub it in.

Welcome to my mind… It’s a strange sort of amusement park where all the warnings on the rides have been replaced with utter nonsense and photos of flight attendants walking down the aisle with trays of unlabeled psychedelics. It’s a bit like an old car that somehow works but you’re afraid to look too closely under the hood for fear that some bit of strange magic that keeps the thing running will suddenly cease to function.

Well… This particular bit of writing has certainly gone off in an unforeseen direction! Maybe I ought to call it a night and get some sleep before I either figure out how 42 is the answer to life, the universe, and everything, or I start making sense again. I’m not sure which option frightens me more at this point.

Yes, sleep is probably a good idea… Sorry Lee Child, Mr. Reacher’s adventure will have to wait until tomorrow. Thanks for reading…. Or sorry for giving you this to read…. Oh hell, I don’t know. Just pick whichever one suits you and know I’m grateful for you either way.