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The Million Dollar Question


This evening while I was showering I was thinking about what I might want to write about tonight. What topic was suitable to ponder and what aspects of my life might need further inspection and analysis? What sort of things would I like to see changed in my life? The longer I thought about it, the less I seemed to come up with. I’d think of something and upon looking at it a bit deeper, find that overall I am rather content with it.

The only thing I can honestly say that I wouldn’t mind changing would be concerns about financial matters. That’s the one arena of life I am not so satisfied with and find myself worrying about. It’s not so much that I want more, it’s more that I want to think and worry about it less. Unfortunately, I don’t see the need for money going away in our society any time soon, so I suppose the only real answer to worrying about it less would, in fact, be having more of it.

I didn’t really want to spend more time trying to come up with ways of making that happen though, I do enough of that during the daytime as it is. I wanted to think about something a bit more pleasantly distracting that would leave me in a dreamy sort of contentment right before I laid down. So, I started asking myself what I would do if money was no longer a concern.

I didn’t worry about the logistics and instead opted more for the “If I won the lottery tomorrow” sort of train of thought. What would I do? What would I want to experience or buy? How would it change my life? Believe it or not, the answer to most of those questions was that I didn’t want to change all that much.

I’d want to buy a little bit of land and have a small 2-bedroom log cabin built for Kayla and I to live in. I’d have a small 2 or 3 car garage/workshop built so I have somewhere to work on and store my truck, motorcycle, and all the tools that currently fill my single car garage to capacity. I would want to have a solar system installed to provide for all my electrical needs and make sure I had a couple small wood stoves in the workshop and house. Other than that, I wouldn’t really change anything though.

I love my truck and even if I had millions of dollars, I don’t think I’d want to replace it with a newer one. I like vehicles that are a bit older and less reliant on computers to run, they’re easier to work on and I enjoy taking care of my vehicles myself. I’ve already got a brand-new motorcycle and can’t see a need for a whole collection of them (Though I’d probably end up adding an old vintage 2-stroke dirt bike just for trail riding and to tinker with).

I would probably travel more often but not excessively, maybe once a month or every couple of months just for a few days at a time. I still really like the idea and the challenge of trying to plan a get away on a limited budget and experiencing the simpler things. Other than those couple things though, I don’t think I’d change anything else. I’d want to just put all the money left over into an account and have the interest transferred to a separate account from which all my monthly expenses could be automatically deducted. What I want most from having money I guess is to not have to think about it or deal with it any more than absolutely necessary.

I wouldn’t want to buy or do anything extravagant. I wouldn’t want to stop tattooing, writing, or doing the healing work I do. I really enjoy all of those things and would want to continue. I think in a lot of ways, I might even enjoy them more because the one aspect of all of those things that I don’t enjoy, worrying about making money, would be gone. I think I would feel freer to share my gifts with the world and reach out to people, help those that are in need that might not be able to afford it on their own.

I’m not saying I’d start a giant charity and live out my days as a philanthropist because, lets face it, I just wouldn’t. I want to help other people, sure, I’m always happy to help, but that’s not what I want or WOULD want my life to be all about. I’m a wee bit too selfish and narcissistic for that. I’m happy to have it as a PART of my life, but not the focus. My focus is my daughter, and then myself and I’m perfectly fine with that.

I’m both surprised, and totally not surprised by the number of aspects of my life I’d want to keep the same. It pretty much just comes down to having a house I can call my own (I rent) and a little bit of space (only a couple of acres) where I can live as I want and not be bothered (my next-door neighbor is a bit of an ass) and not having to spend so much energy thinking about money.

Now it may seem like this is somewhat of a pointless mental exercise when I could use that time and energy to continue to find a way to make that a reality on my own, but I think it’s useful for a couple reasons. One, it gives my mind a break from considering the same dilemma over and over in circles like a dog chasing its tail. And two, realizing just how much of my life I would want to keep the same makes me INCREDIBLY grateful to have that as my daily experience even without millions sitting in some bank account.

Even with perpetual concerns about finances, I don’t really feel a lack of anything in my life. I am doing all the things I love with my whole heart and that is the example I’m setting for my daughter. She gets to grow up seeing me grateful for all that I have and enjoying the things I do. To her, a happy life where you follow your dreams won’t just be some Disney fairy tale, it will just be the way it is. She’ll see the reality that it’s not always easy and that it takes some work but that it’s worth it and that she can have any life she dreams of too.

That last part is one more thing that I’m tremendously grateful for, probably more than anything else. I really want her to grow up into an amazingly strong, empowered woman that knows and embraces the power she has in her own life and to shape the world around her. That’s something no amount of money can buy and to know that that is what I’m doing my best to give her makes all the numbers in my bank account ultimately irrelevant.

When the sun sets on my final day here on earth (metaphorically, who knows what time of day it will be) money will be meaningless and the only thing that will really matter is how I have lived my life, the experiences I’ve had and shared with others, and the impact I have had on the generation to follow mine.

What would YOU do if you woke up tomorrow and found you had more money than you could spend in a lifetime? What would you want to do with your time and what meaning would you want your life to have? What mark would you want to leave on this world? And finally, what’s stopping you from doing all those things and living that life now? Thanks for reading and I hope you have an AMAZING day with a million things to be grateful for!