Every time I start to write tonight, something comes up that reminds me I’ve got something else I need to attend to. I’ve sat down and pulled out the computer only to get right back up so many times it’s gotten almost comedic. Even as I type this now, I suspect that there is something else (at this point I realized I hadn’t taken the trash to the curb) that I’m forgetting. If it wasn’t so damn productive, I’d say that it was getting irritating. Ok, maybe it IS getting a bit irritating, I just took my shoes back off from taking the trash out a sentence ago and just remembered I left something in the truck (which I evidently brought in earlier, I just checked).
I’m starting to wonder if perhaps I am just meant to take the night off from writing. Is it really necessary for me to do this EVERY single night or does that contradict my general ‘just go with the flow’ attitude? I made the commitment to myself to write every night but was that totally unrealistic? Maybe all these things that I keep remembering need taken care of are the universes way of giving me a sign. Or maybe I just need to get more sleep so I’m not so damn forgetful.
Then again, maybe it’s just a lesson for me about perseverance and not giving up on myself. A lot of Hollywood movies that are epic lessons in determination and perseverance depict the main character overcoming monumental odds and never giving up in the face of intense opposition. They’re inspiring for sure, but I think that sometimes the greatest acts of perseverance are the small things. The things that we’ll never receive any reward or recognition for. It’s those little things we do just for ourselves where no one else will be hurt or let down if we take the easy way out once in a while but we keep at it anyway.
Perhaps “greatest acts of perseverance” is a bit grandiose of a phrase to describe it, for surely there are much greater and inspiring acts that we participate in. Regardless of how you choose to describe it though, it’s still persistence in one way or another and it can still be challenging to not slack off or give yourself an excuse.
I’m not unrealistic and I do realize there may be nights when I just don’t have the time to write, or something comes up to prevent me from doing it. For such occasions I have a folder of things I’ve written on nights when I have a head full of ideas and even after writing one post, I still apparently have a few more things to say. I could have pulled one out of the folder and posted it instead and I doubt anyone but me would have known the difference.
The problem is, that I would know, and I just don’t feel like forgetting a bunch of things I need to take care of and being tired is sufficient reason to take the night off. It would be a different story I suppose if I wrote something but just felt it was something better kept to myself. But then again, I don’t really hold anything back when it comes to the things I choose to share, and I can’t really think of anything I’d not share if it was on my mind that night. At least not anything that I’d find worth taking the time to write about.
I’m not exactly the most self-conscious of individuals, at least not anymore, I’m a pretty open book. And it’s not necessarily even a matter of being just that confident in myself either. I think if anything, it’s just a matter of not being that interesting. Not that I’m boring per say, I’m certainly not your average joe, but I can’t think of anything about myself that people would really find shocking or really all that surprising, not anyone that knows me at least.
I think the other reason behind why I kept sitting back down to write tonight was that, while I’m not exactly the most competitive sort, I enjoy challenging myself and over the past month, I’ve discovered that coming up with something to write about every single night that someone might want to read can certainly a be challenge. I don’t want to write the same things every night, but I do tend to think about things for more than just one evening.
I’m not only challenging myself to actually write something new, but also to dig a bit deeper into myself and explore yet another aspect of me that I haven’t already covered satisfactorily. The fact that it’s not always easy and requires a measure of perseverance is part of what makes it so rewarding when, at the end of the evening, I have something written down and I can go to bed with my mind a bit clearer and a sense of accomplishment and gratitude as one of the last things I experience for the day.
Maybe it would be easier if I was writing fiction and could let my mind create a different scene of a narrative every night. Then again, maybe not. I’ve never really written true fiction, it’s just not my thing. I enjoy reading it for the thoughts it provokes, insights into other writers’ imaginations, and personal distraction but haven’t really attempted to create it myself.
I suppose you could say I created a work of fiction in the ‘Delightful Distraction” I wrote about last week but it wasn’t really pure fiction in my eyes. No, it hasn’t happened in reality, not yet at least, but in my mind, I was there as I was describing it and I was experiencing it inside my own head. What I wrote was simply a description of my thoughts, so it was no different than what I do any other night for the most part.
And, at least from where I sit, I seem to be rambling on and on again, which is also not all that different from most evenings. Before I get too carried away and begin making less sense than I have already, I shall call it a night and get some sleep. I’ve got a daughter to get up and off to school in the morning, and people to tattoo during the day and both activities are easier when well rested (or at least as much rest as one can get in 5 hours). I’d say thanks for reading and wish you all good night, but I doubt anyone else is up and will see this before morning, so I’ll wish you a wonderful day instead!