After last night’s post about self-evaluation, I spent a bit of time heeding my own advice. It led me to the conclusion that my environment was not really suiting me anymore and that it’s about time for a change. When my ex wife left, my house felt more like what was left over from us. It felt like that because that’s essentially what it was, half the stuff that had been here was gone and what remained was basically just the unwanted things left behind.
After the first couple of months, I started taking the time to make it feel like my home. I got rid of pretty much all the old furniture, the dishes, my wardrobe, basically everything, and picked out new things (well not all NEW exactly, but new to me). For the first time in probably 7 years, my space felt like my own again. I created the space to suit where I was at and what I was going through. That was then though, and I’m in a very different place in my life now, but my home hasn’t been updated to reflect that.
For those that have read my post in which I described how I downsized the collection of blades I used to carry at all times, my house was a bit of a reflection of that guy. That’s not to say I left all manner of potentially dangerous items all over, they were well out of reach and safe from my daughter’s intense sense of curiosity, but it has been more akin to a somewhat primitive simple hunter’s cabin than a sacred sanctuary.
At the time, that’s kind of where I was at emotionally, just learning how to survive in the world alone again. I’m not just trying to survive anymore though, I want to thrive in this life and just as before, I want my environment to reflect this newer version of me. A sacred sanctuary is definitely the feeling I’m hoping to create here. I want to clear away any of the lingering loneliness and “what if something goes wrong” sort of vibes and fill the space with only those things that I enjoy and that bring me a sense of calm and peace.
Between the Christmas Parade in town and going to see Santa with Kayla tonight, I didn’t get quite as far along as I’d hoped but I did get started. I’m ok with that though, I will have plenty of time for redesigning my space, but I can’t get back the time I have with Kayla and in a couple months, neither of us will remember a few days difference in when things changed in the house. We will remember the time we spent together today though.
I’ll probably write up another post in a week or so once I have everything changed over and go into a bit more detail about what “Sacred Sanctuary” means to me and what sorts of things I decide I want to have around. I suspect that much of it will be a sort of ‘feel it out as I go’ sort of experience and that sitting down and planning it all out isn’t really the way to go about it. I’m certainly no feng shui expert but I do know what feelings suit me and what sort of things I like to be surrounded with. I’m excited about this new change and to bring some fresh new energy into my life and into my home.