I had several ideas I thought of writing about tonight, such as how I find myself nearly overflowing with happiness and gratitude. Seriously, I can barely sit still as I sit here trying to type. Granted, as much as I love Zebbler Encanti, perhaps it may not be the best music for me to listen to while attempting any stationary activity. I’ve started two different posts thus far tonight only to give up on them in favor of dancing around my living room like a total fool.
The other idea I considered discussing was a quote my mom sent me yesterday from Tim Fargo, “Until you cross the bridge of your insecurities, you can’t begin to explore your possibilities”. I could definitely fill a couple pages about that one. Our insecurities can hold us back in so many ways, especially the ones we aren’t even aware of. I thought about what insecurities I had so that I might share them with you all and start addressing them. At the time, I couldn’t think of any though, which was totally unhelpful. I know I have some, I just couldn’t come up with any right then.
It wasn’t until I started dancing that I realized one such insecurity. I’m insecure about my dancing for sure. I always feel super awkward dancing in front of people. Even alone in my own living room, I kept telling myself to just let my body move as it wanted and dance like no one was watching, which as far as I know, was true. Maybe it’s just old stories I’ve let myself buy into over the years and haven’t managed to completely let go of. I can’t tell you how many times an ex-girlfriend would tell me “I need to teach you how to dance”. I heard it enough that I guess I started to believe it on some level.
On another level, there was always some part of me that wanted to respond with “No, my body knows how to move itself. You need to teach yourself to stop saying that and just encourage me instead.” I think about all the times I’ve watched people dancing, and as a guy that was a professional DJ for years and years, I’ve spent a lot of time watching people dance.
There are always those rare people that are just really talented dancers and look like they belong in a music video. Some of them are just out there having fun and going with the flow, others take the whole thing way too seriously and make it look like it’s something they train for in militant fashion. Either way though, they look like they know what they’re doing. Then there are the side to side shuffle sort that try to hang out on the edges and not be noticed. That’s been me a lot in the past, when I wasn’t working or exceedingly inebriated.
There’s also the sort that know they’re no Usher, but couldn’t care less and are just out there dancing and having a grand old time. I think in a lot of ways, these are the best sort. Or at the very least, were always the most fun to watch. Not just because of the truly bizarre and unexpected ways the music seems to move them, but because of their raw, uninhibited nature. They either have a great deal of confidence or just zero fucks to give regarding what others think about their dancing. Whichever the case may be, it’s obvious to anyone watching that they’re simply having a wonderful time.
As I danced earlier, I felt my body loosening up and tension I didn’t realize I’d been carrying melt away. Dancing can be a very empowering and healing experience. It just seems to make you feel good so long as you can let go of any worries about how you’re dancing.
I used to dance all the time while I was DJ’ing, at least as much as I could while tending to the turntables (yes, real turntables. A pair of 1200’s from the 70’s). I don’t DJ anymore, I made the horrid mistake of selling my turntables years ago, a mistake I mean to remedy at some point in the future, but when I’m in my tattoo studio and the music is cranked up, I get lost in what I’m doing and sing and dance while I’m working. Well, I don’t really dance when I’m actually tattooing, that could be dangerous, but when I turn the machine off or step back to get more ink or take a look at my work from a distance, I certainly dance about.
Knowing that, outside of those two activities and occasions when I’ve got head phones in and no one is around, dancing makes me a bit uncomfortable, I find I want to do more of it. I want to push myself outside my comfort zone. In a lot of ways, I’ve been getting out of that little limiting box lately and it feels really good. They say that’s where the magic happens, and I’ve not yet found anything that contradicts that statement. I’m enjoying finding things that are new and possibly uncomfortable and doing them. The more things like that I do, the more I want to find other things to try, the more I feel like I’m growing and expanding.
And on that note, I’ll keep tonight’s post a bit short (relatively speaking) and get back to dancing around a little bit more before I head off to bed for the night. Thanks for reading!